I’m such an adult now

Hello?  Is anybody still out there?  I’m back.  Hello???  Come hear about all my life changes!  Oh.  Hey.  There you are.  I was just talking… never mind.  How are you?  Yeah?  Oh me?  I’m good – great actually.  What’s new with you?  Oh really?  With the… yeah the funny hat.  Yeah I remember him.  Wow, no kidding… What’s new with me?  Well… where do I begin?

First of all, I GOT MARRIED TO THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS!!!!!!  Seriously, she is FANTASTIC.  Let’s start with the wedding.  Going into the wedding, Heidi and I were told, “At least one thing will go wrong with the wedding.  If you know that going into it, it won’t be a huge deal.”  Well, turns out nothing did go wrong.  I’m not kidding when I say that I wouldn’t have changed a single thing about the wedding.  The day, to me, was PERFECT.  We took pictures with the photographer, who was fabulous and really talented.  She started taking the normal formal pictures, and I mentioned to the groomsmen that we totally needed to play some foosball (however you spell it) downstairs at some point.  The photographer overheard this comment, and her face lit up.  “YES!!” She yelled, “that would be AWESOME.  We toootally need to take pictures of it.  Right now.”  So, we went downstairs, and had a blast while she documented it.  All of her pictures turned out very well.  I was feeling very relaxed, which surprised me.  I thought for sure I’d be a nervous wreck because I had to repeat things, and I thought maybe I’d trip or set Heidi’s veil on fire with the unity candle… any number of things could have gone wrong, but my mind was clear, and nothing did go wrong.  Heidi came down the aisle, and I couldn’t help but say “Wow!”  She took my breath away.  I seriously thought to myself, “I’m marrying the most beautiful woman in the world!”  The ceremony itself was just plain wonderful.  It was so great having Heidi’s father marry us, as he got very emotional during different parts of the ceremony, which was really sweet.  I’ll even admit that I teared up a bit, though no one knew about it… until now.  Afterwards, we had a wonderful meal, delicious cake, made by Heidi’s mother, and a relaxing and fun reception.  The jazz combo was very talented, and a big hit amongst the guests.  We played some sweet games, like set and perudo.  We talked with as many people as we could, but ended up running out of time before we got to them all.  During a wedding, you feel like you’re famous.  Everyone’s taking pictures of you, everyone wants to take pictures with you, everyone wants to talk to you, and everyone keeps watching you.  The next day I went to gas up the car and was insulted when the attendant hadn’t heard of me.

Heidi and I went on a fantastic honeymoon, and had a great time just being together.  Then she went off to camp for 6 weeks (she’s still there actually).  I remembered how much I missed her last year, and I thought that level of missing would be around the same, but man I didn’t take in the ever growing variable of love.  The first 15 minutes were torture, and it only got worse from there.  It’s so hard being away from someone you love, especially when you just married that someone.  I just want to be with her all the time, but I know how important camp is to her.  I know how much she enjoys it, so I will always encourage it, no matter how hard it is to be apart from her for 6 weeks.  Thankfully, I’ve been able to visit her off and on, so that has helped the time go by a bit, but it’s still not easy.

I’m still at my job, and I’m still really enjoying it.  The work is getting harder, but that’s to be expected.  It’s just a lot of fun being able to engineer software that a very large sum of people use.  I’m just over 2 months working there now, and I’ve yet to have a day where I dread going to work.  That’s quite a change from public works.

Well, I’ve almost 100% officially become an adult.  I graduated college, I got a job, I got married (TO THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS!), and now, I just bought a brand new car.  I heard horror stories about the whole ordeal of buying a car, but I actually had a fun time.  I was secretly super excited about the car, but you can’t let the dealer know that, so I was unrealistically unreasonable, and acted pretty apathetic in general.  “This is the car you were looking for.  It’s gorgeous isn’t it?”  “Eh, it’s okay, I guess.”  “Do you know how hard it is to get this car in this color?  This is really rare.”  “Uh huh.  Yeah it’s definitely… definitely okay.”  They gave us a quote, and my heart started racing, as it was lower than what we thought, but my dad, who was playing along as well, turned to the dealer and said, “Mmm that’s a fair price I guess… but why don’t you take off another $500 and maybe we’ll talk.”  Well, they called his bluff, but still, it was a ton of fun.  I highly recommend the C.A.R.S. program.  You can’t beat a $4500 credit on a new car.

Well, I should get going.  I’m getting up early to go see THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS WHO I AM MARRIED TO.  Seriously, she’s amazing.  I love her, a lot.  What’s that?  Oh you need to go too?  Yeah, ok.  Well, it was good talking to you.  Yeah I’ll try to keep in touch.  Yep, catch you around.

I’m getting married, and I have a job!!

It has been soooo long since I’ve posted.  I’m sure you’ve noticed.  The reason, as always, for my lack of posting is that I have been swamped with things to do.

My life is so exciting right now!  It is 19 days until the wedding and Heidi and I are basically putting finishing touches on our ceremony and reception! Wedding rehearsal is set, flowers are set, music is set, food is set, everything is pretty much accounted for.  I cannot tell you how excited I am about marrying the woman of my dreams!!!!!  (I’m feeling very exclamation pointy, but I definitely think I have a reason to be).

I’ve been on many many interviews and recently landed a job with a company I absolutely adore!  The company is very small (10 people, seriously) but very profitable.  The people are all wonderful, and the company treats its employees very well.  I just completed my second day there, and I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

I have found my achilles heel.  I recently noticed that there is one spot on my mustache that really hurts when I even bend the hairs the wrong way.  I’ve tried this on the other side, and no problems occur.  I don’t know what’s causing it, but it really hurts, and I know it’s been around for a while.  So, I decided to do what any smart person would do once they’ve found their one weakness – Post it on the internet!

I feel like it’s been so long since we’ve talked, but my brain is so tired and the creative juices just aren’t flowing enough for me to be funny.  Things are still pretty hectic.  I don’t know when I’ll be back to posting regularly.  We’ll see.

Login vs. Log In

Hey everyone.  Yeah I promised I’d post more frequently, and I went and didn’t post more frequently.  Well, it’s the same story as before – I’ve been super busy.  I am now up to 39 job applications, and so far no bites yet.  It’s really demoralizing how terrible the job market is.  I just hope things look up, because I have to get a job before the wedding.  I’ve started a new thing where I write down blog ideas as they come to me and keep them saved in Word.  Since I’m doing them little chunks at a time, it’s easier to get a blog post up.  I seriously think this time that I’ll be able to post more frequently, but I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t believe me.  So, here goes!

Hair color has always been a thing that has bothered me. We have the typical three main hair colors blonde, brunette, and redhead. Redhead? Really?? Could you not think of anything better? First of all, blonde is another name for yellow or golden hair. Blonde actually originated in old English to mean “hair color between chestnut and golden.” So, it gets its own name. Then we have brunette, which is obviously brown. Brunette is French in origin, meaning brown. Ok, fancy again. So we get to red, and they need to come up with an amazing name for it, and what do they do? They stick “head” on the end of the color and call it done. There are so many good red names we could adopt that would have been better than “redhead.” Looking at old English, we have rēad – Okay, I’m willing to admit that’d be a little confusing, so let’s move on. Let’s try French; in French, red is rouge – Not bad… but I guess that could be confusing again, because maybe it sounds like you’re accusing someone of being a rogue, but have bad spelling. Let’s try something completely different – German! Ok, for German we have red being … rot… ok well I guess that’s not so pretty either. Still, one could think of something pretty… right? The point is, people with red hair got the shaft when it came to identifying what their hair color was. So, I urge you all to get out there and start calling people brownhead or yellowhead to stress equality among the hair colors.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when websites screw up Login and Log in (and Log out). It’s a mistake that is made all the time, and it’s even on major corporation websites. Let’s start with a definition to show why this urks me so much. I just looked at dictionary.com and the definition was flat out wrong. Now I’m not being opinionated here, but it says. “n. The act of…” Nouns are NOT actions. Then it links other definitions, which have “The process in which…” which is also wrong. Because of this, I have to write what the correct definition is:

Login – (n.) A computer identification which is usually accompanied by a password. Also known as a username.

Log in – (v.) The process of identifying oneself to a computer, usually by entering one’s username and password.

That space is a HUGE difference, because it changes it from a noun to a verb, and they do have different meanings. So, for instance, if you go to http://www.facebook.com then you’ll realize it says “Login” on the giant button you press to LOG IN. Which is WRONG. To make matters worse, they use a made up word to try to keep things similar – Logout. There is no such thing as a logout. You log out. Period. It even makes me madder that Word doesn’t flag logout as being incorrect! Argh! So please, it’s right up there with there their and they’re, don’t screw up Login, which is a synonym for username, and Log in, which is the act of logging in.

Sometimes I think about opening automatic doors for people.

Heidi and I went bike riding the other day, and you see quite a variety of bikes and bikers when you’re on a public trail. First of all, there are those who you can tell don’t bike often at all. Their bikes are in horrible condition. The air is low in one or both tires, and the brakes and chain squeak loudly as they pedal on. Then, there are the intermediate bikers. I fall into this category. Intermediate bikers usually have well-maintained bikes, are wearing helmets, and are prepared with water and trail mix in case of any exhaustion. Lastly, we have what I call the Professional Bikers. You probably know the kind of cyclists I am speaking of. They have a biking outfit, that looks straight out of the Tour de France. They have helmets that are almost cone-shaped, which help with their aerodynamics. They have bikes that cost more than some people’s cars. Finally they travel everywhere at at least 25mph. When riding down the trail, I had to look behind me constantly because they’d always manage to sneak up when I was riding side by side with Heidi. This gave me a new life goal that I hope to someday complete. I want to get a professional biker outfit, rent a really nice looking bike, get one of those ridiculous helmets, and join a group of professional bikers one day. I would keep up with them, as an initiation, and hope that they would accept me into their wolf-pack. If they do, I’d enter the leader rotation, and once I was in the lead, I’d go 5 mph. This, to me, would be amazing. I would also ride erratically so no one could pass me. Maybe if I can get Heidi to join me in this endeavor, it would be easier, because she could help with the front, or cover the back. Imagine the chaos! Oh man, I’m drooling just thinking about it.

I’m balding

I have been quite busy since my last post.  That seems to be a common trend in my life right now.  I have been applying to jobs like crazy.  I have probably applied to over 15 jobs in the past 2 weeks, and only one has gotten back to me so far.  I’m trying not to be discouraged, and am applying more and more every day.  There are some problems, however, that arise from applying so generously.  First of all, I’ve had to change my cover letter every time I apply, and feel kind of cheap just deleting the company name that is there, and replacing it with a new one.  “I am so excited for the possibility to join the talented Squiggles Inc. Team.” “I am so excited for the possibility to join the talented Clover and Sons Team.”  You get the idea.  The next I’m facing is that I’m forgetting the names of all the places I’ve applied.  Sure I keep a record of when and where I’ve applied, but when people ask me, “So where have you applied?”  I just look at them blankly and nod.  I don’t know if my approach is the best, but we’ll see what happens.

Another exciting happening that has… happened since we’ve last spoke, was that Heidi and I have printed out our invitations.  I was hoping that they’d turn out half-way decent, since we’d be printing our own, but I actually really enjoy them!  I think they look amazing.  Heidi did a lot of the work, as I lack experience in making things pretty, and publisher.  She did an awesome job, and if she’s reading this, *High Five!*

Ever since I can remember, I’ve made fun of my dad for his balding.  I’d say such things as, “See, Dad, that’s why you shouldn’t let mommy brush your hair when she’s angry.” or point at a melon and say “You are seeing into your future.”  Turns out, karma does exist, and it has a very good memory, because I discovered a little over a year ago that I am, believe it or not, balding.  What’s worse, I think at the current rate of baldation, I believe that I’m going to beat my dad to melon head.  You see, balding is like a race.  The starting line is, of course, at the end of your forehead.  The finish line is at the top back of your head (this area, when balding, is known as the “Monkey Butt” because of its resemblance to a monkey’s behind).  Well, for us blessed few, the finish line gets bored of waiting for the contestants to get there, so it decides to go looking for them and make the race quicker.  Oh well, we’ll see how long my beautiful curly hair lasts.  Let this be a lesson to all of you out there.  Do not make fun of the balding.  Just don’t.

Balding in general has always fascinated me.  Why do you bald on your head?  Why do you bald in just that location on your head?  I’ve decided to explore what balding would look like if balding took a different road.

Feel free to send me your own designs.

Hmm Seems that the format of this Blog wants to cut off the face of my wonderful diagram models.  They’re balding, isn’t that shame enough??  Now you have to go and cut off their faces.  Thanks a lot wordpress.  Thanks a lot.

Lastly, I will comment a bit more on my own balding experience.  As it turns out, I can’t even bald in a standard way at all.  One side of my hair is balding quicker than the other, so it looks something like this… probably a little over exaggerated:

This is going to look great in 2 years.

Well, I suppose I should get back to applying and doing other stuff.  I’ll try my best to write more frequently.

I applied today

It has been quite an eventful uneventful day.  I decided today that I would start applying to jobs.  I spent a good part of the day going through certain job websites and just browsing.  I bookmarked many sites and jobs with hopes that some day I could work for their company.  Heidi and I both agreed that a certain company starting with M… not Microsoft, would be a good place to start.  Sadly they did not have as many jobs as they did before, but I applied to two intern positions, which I guess is better than nothing.  I sent off my super awesome résumé which hopefully will do the trick.

I always feel a little bit lost when searching for jobs to apply for.  I only fulfill some of the listed requirements, which is no fun.  I don’t think I’ve found a single job yet seems to be made for me.  I guess I shouldn’t get so discouraged as I’ve only started my search… in a recession.

Time to get to a brighter and more humorous note.  I went grocery shopping with my dad, and we had the most amazing cashier I have ever seen in my life.  I was a bit skeptical at first, as it looked like he was fumbling a little bit with the customer in front of us, but that wasn’t the case at all.  He knew what he was doing, and was in complete control.  BAM BAM BAM the items screamed across the scanner.  He knew where every bar code was on every item.  My dad was lifting the cat litter out from under the cart, out of the view of the cashier, and he was like, “No need to put that up here, already got it.  Go ahead and hand that to the bagger.”  BOOOM!  Our minds just exploded.  Who knows the codes to cat litter?  Seriously.  He flew through everything, entering in codes without even blinking.  The bagger just couldn’t keep up.  Sweat was collecting on his brow, and the cashier had to turn around and help him.  “Be a man!” the cashier yelled at the bagger, obviously an amateur.  That man is my new hero.  He even did some awesome flip thing around his finger with a ketchup bottle.  Wow.

I guess I haven’t done a work story in a long time, so maybe now is the time for one.

Oh Deer

This latest year started off on a rough note.  First of all, I got hit by a dump truck on my first day.  Luckily he only hit my foot, but he was going at least 40.  The next day, I saw 2 of my coworkers get plowed by another dump truck while they were sitting at a red light.  They were miraculously alright.  Friday came and I was very nervous about what I would be doing that day.  Jake walked in and looked at me.  He pointed his finger straight at my head… I flinched.  “YOU!” he yelled, “concrete crew today.”  YES!  I could hardly believe my luck!  The concrete crew had a wonderful reputation of doing nothing all day long.  First, you’d wait for the concrete truck to get there – They were always late.  The concrete would get poured and you had to form it up, which was about the most work you’d do all day.  The work wasn’t hard, and it was actually pretty fun.  Then, after everything was finished, about an hour of work, someone would be lucky enough to sit there and babysit the concrete all day to make sure some hoodlums wouldn’t come around and draw a butt into it (they did this often, I found out).  We finished the form, and Matt came up to me and said, “You’re on babysit duty this afternoon.”  YES!  Not only was I on concrete duty, I was going to sit all afternoon and watch concrete dry!  (It’s really not as boring as they make it out to be).  The chances of me having an incident are slim to none.  I was so excited.  The afternoon came, and I stretched back, turned up the radio, and enjoyed sweet babysitting.  I looked into the mirror to check out the concrete, which was in the middle of a very large suburb area.  Trees were scarce, as this was a bog before they rezoned it.  Suddenly I saw some strange movement in the mirror.  “What in the world is that?” I puzzled.  I moved closer to the mirror, but couldn’t make out what the movement was that I saw.  I decided it was time to get out of the truck and take a gander.  I walked with my hand over my eyes, trying desperately to connect the movement with something you’d see in a suburb area.  Suddenly it hit me – It was a full-sized deer.  A doe was galloping down the side walk at full speed heading right for our newly poured cement walkway.  I ran to the end of our pour and waved my arms yelling, “NO!!!!  DON’T DO IT!!!”  <SPLAT>  The doe went right into the concrete getting its front hooves stuck deeply in the quickly drying mixture.  I ran to the truck and radioed Matt.  “There’s a doe in the concrete!”  “A what?”  “You know.  A doe – lives in the woods, has hooves.  A doe!” “Well get it out of there!”  By now a crowd of neighborhood kids had gathered saying such words as “Cool!” and “Awesome!”  I knew I couldn’t just pick the doe up and let it go right there, as it might run straight at the children, so I had to find a safe place to release it.  I took a deep breath, in disbelief about what I was about to do.  I picked up the startled doe, and it started flailing, hitting me numerous times with its hooves.  I had a firm grip and started running down the street with a huge doe in my arms, followed by 15 neighborhood children.  Cars were stopping and taking a second look to confirm that they actually saw what they thought they saw.  I finally found a small woody clearing and released the deer.  I sat down and recollected myself.  What a week.

RIP FMC

I know.  I’m sorry.  Really.  I am.  Let me make it up to you.  It’s been a long long time.  You see, I have been buuuuuusy and out of town, and away from a computer and I just felt like I couldn’t draw pictures and I felt that would really put a damper on the effect of my posts and I just couldn’t put you all through that.  So, I had to take a small break, but I’m here and back and this is the most amazing run on sentence ever so here we go post time go now now now go yes go.

Have you ever noticed that the last food item you eat before you throw up is a food item you never have a desire for ever again?  As you all know, I got sick a little while ago, and the last bit of food I had before I broke my 10+ year streak of not throwing up was a simply amazing dessert known only as Frango Mint Cake.

Frango Mint Cake and I go waaaay back.  We even got so close, Frango Mint Cake let me call him FMC for short.  He was a delicious mixture of yummy chocolate and mint, emulating an after dinner mint almost perfectly.  In fact, I’d say FMC did a better job of being a frango mint than frango mint did.  Each year around November, my mouth starts gathering more saliva in anticipation for the annual Christmas FMC bake.  This year, FMC and I grew even closer, as I was the one who baked him in all his delicious glory.  We had a bond – the bond of creator and delicious createe.  The Christmas season was amazing and busy, and FMC and I didn’t see much of each other, but we held a special place for each other in our hearts.  One cold and windy January day, FMC and myself found ourselves in the same place at the same time.  I opened up the refrigerator looking for a tasty snack.  My eyes glistened as I noticed a rather large, lonely piece of Frango Mint Cake basking in its tasty goodness.  “Rob,” FMC said, “you must consume me.”  “Now?”  I questioned, “Certainly I should share a delicious piece of Frango Mint Cake this size with the rest of my family.”  “No.”  FMC persisted, “Eat me.  Just you.”  I thought for a long while, and decided I had earned this FMC and would partake of its sweetness.  Well, 2 hours later, you know the rest of the story.  FMC and I got in a huge fight and I kicked him out.  The terrible thing is, he took all my other friends with him.  I was not happy.  After that point, I cannot find it in my heart to forgive FMC, and I think my desire for him is permanently lost.

='(

In honor of FMC’s passing, I decided it proper to write a poem:

FMC

Frango Mint Cake,

Perhaps eating you was a mistake.

You’re brown with a little bit of green,

You didn’t need to be so mean.

You were a great friend,

I hate to see this end.

There were many times when I would think of you,

but then you made me spew.

Oh, FMC,

How could you do this to me?

I guess in the end, it’s really a good thing.  FMC was bad for me, in more ways than one.  Not only was he high in calories, he was emotionally abusive as well (he used to make fun of my hair all the time).  This could be something really big.  If you have a bad eating habit, this is what you need to do.

1. Find someone who is in possession of the flu virus.
2. Offer them something in return for their flu virus.
3. Incubate.
4. Right before you season, gorge yourself on your food vice.
5. Puke.
6. Freedom.

For a closer, I’ll insert some random facts about what happened to me today.

• I got burned by ashes that were being prepared for Ash Wednesday.
• I tried desperately to scoop up said ashes out of the grass with 2 over-sized tin foil pans (I blame the wind).
• I got gouged by an over-sized pinecone wreath.
• I created the word “NUDE” unexpectedly, then giggled.
• I learned about installment payments, life insurance, and a slush fund.
• I’ve thought about Heidi a lot, and I miss her ♥ (I know I’m pathetic, and I’m fine with it).
• I just learned that you can do all the card deck symbols in HTML, but for some reason, the spades symbol is missing: ♣ ♥ ♦
• This is called a lozenge ◊

Pyramid = Impossible

Today was a pretty uneventful day.  My dad asked me to do one task today, which I completely planned on doing, but by the time I got up (it was early, don’t judge) he called my mom and told her he had already completed said task.  So there I was, a day ahead of me and nothing to do.  I figured today would be a good day for card games.

I recently discovered a website that has a ton of card games that you can play using flash.  I thought this website was pretty amazing, and then it got more amazing.  I found a game that looked oh so familiar:  Pyramid.  As a child, I played a game called “Tut’s Tomb” on Windows 95.  “Tut’s Tomb” was based on Pyramid, almost exactly, only Microsoft didn’t want to get sued for the name, so they just called it something different.  Go team go.  Anyhow, I have many fond memories of playing this game over and over and winning here and there, so I had to try it out again on this website.  I played again, and again, and again, and again and kept losing.  I played for hours.  I checked my score and was 0-70.  “This is crazy!” I thought to myself, “I don’t remember it being this hard!!”  Another hour passed and finally I cleared the pyramid and put my arms in the air declaring victory.  I told Heidi over web cam about how I had finally mastered this game from my childhood, and I was feeling on top of the world.  I then looked at the game and noticed the timer was still going.  I frantically clicked to the rules for some hope of an answer.  As it turns out, not only do you need to clear the pyramid, but you also need to get rid of all the cards in your hand, which is IMPOSSIBLE.  I was so demoralized.  I blame Microsoft for using the relaxed version of the game and ruining a precious childhood memory.

The phone in my room was broken today.  I fixed it.  It works now.

Today I ordered 2 nonstick skillets of the 10″ and 12″ variety.  I’m pretty excited about it, which is something very new to me.  I remember those days as a child when I thought I’d love getting ninja turtle action figures and Nintendo games for the rest of my life.  I would have cried to think that some day I’d actually be excited about ordering a skillet.  Well, according to “The Little Prince” I am a grown-up, so I guess I just finished off Robby and stepped into the wonderful world of Rob.  However, I do still own a My Little Pony (don’t ask) so that has to count for something.  In case you are wondering what’s so exciting about skillets, I really enjoy cooking and skillets allow me to cook more things than I was previously able to.

I’m kind of at a loss of things to post for tonight, so I think I’ll leave it at a short post.

And then I got sick

I would have posted yesterday, but I was very ill.  Turns out the flu that was going through my house made a stop at my door.  It was a very unpleasant experience, and I won’t go into details, but I managed to lose 7lbs in a day!  So there’s that.  Always trying to look on the bright side of things, you know?

Sometimes being sick can be kind of nice.  Sure you feel terrible, but at least you have an excuse to lay around in your jammies all day and not do a thing.  I got out of bed late, but since I made that huge step, I decided to spoil myself with some applesauce.  I went downstairs with a new-found sense of glory and pulled out the freshly bought jar of applesauce.  I went to turn the cap and found myself in a bit of a situation.  Since I had been severely dehydrated and hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, I was kind of lacking energy.  So there I was, shaking and looking dejected at my victory applesauce when my dad came upstairs and looked at me with pity in his eyes.  “Do you want some applesauce, Rob?” he asked as gently as possible.  A tear gathered in my eye.  “Yes, please” I responded.  He came over and opened the jar without the slightest distress.  I guess being sick is not that great after all… but at least it boosted my dad’s ego.

I ended up writing my résumé today, and it was pretty great.  The thing about résumés is, you have to brag about yourself to convince other people to like you and make a commitment to you.  Seriously, if you are ever feeling depressed or just lacking in self esteem, write a résumé, you’ll feel worlds better.  I had to write an objective statement, which went something like, “Being the amazing and talented individual that I am, I will allow you to try to convince me to join your corporation to further my skills, and maybe I’ll help you out as well.”  Maybe the wording was a little different, but it was basically that.  Résumés are so wonderful because it’s strictly propaganda.  If you feel something doesn’t represent you well (or well enough) just omit it, and no one will ever know.

So I’ve noticed that there are a number of people reading my blog, which is pretty wonderful.  I am just curious who all of you people are.  I know of 2 for sure, but that leaves quite a few more numbers to account for.  If you would be so kind as to leave a comment identifying yourself (first names only is a-okay) and maybe if I should know you or not, that would be great.

An example of the kind of post I’m looking for is this:

Hello.  I am Steve.  I am a creepy man who is stalking you on the internet.

Now, obviously don’t use this exact post, unless you are named Steve, and are a creepy man who is stalking me on the internet.

I have a special method for feeding my cats.  I make them wait outside the “feeding room” until I’m done in there and then allow them to come in.  This method came about because of what used to be the normal sequence of events around feeding time:

My diagrams always seem to have 4 steps.

Well, time to get back to some sweet solitaire playing, and hopefully Heidi talking.  Her class started today, so she is working very hard on it.  We’re web-camming, but I’m being very quiet.  I even muted myself because I thought my typing would be too loud.

Oh, one last thing.  This is hilarious.

HTML is pretty swell

Today was about as uneventful as it gets.  I’ve actually been dreading writing this post because I really don’t have much to say.  Usually I think of something to comment about, but nothing hit me today.  Oh well.

Heidi and I spent most of the day on web cam, and it’s really nice, to be honest.  Please try not to vomit while reading this next part.  I know I’m not with her right now, but it sure feels close to it when we’re just chillin’ and talkin’ and stuff (I know it hasn’t even been 2 days; I told you I get pathetic when she’s not around).  She started reading one of the books for her class, about hedgehogs (I know, Heidi, it’s not really about hedgehogs… or is it?).  So, I decided I’d start checking out my HTML book, complete with illustrations on each page.  I’ve dabbled in HTML, and my senior project was using Ruby on Rails, but I’ve never really delved into the finer points of the language.  After about an hour of typing bunches of tags, making IDs and Classes, and all sorts of other fun stuff, I had about 4 lines on a web page.  AWESOME.  It’s pretty nifty because you can show people how much work went into creating so little.  I think that’s the true beauty of computer science.

I spoke of brushing teeth yesterday, and I noticed something else today.  I can never ever get the right amount of floss from the dispenser.  One of two things usually happens.

1. I get too much floss and feel like I’m wasting it.  There are people in 3rd world countries who cannot afford floss and have terrible teeth, and here I am throwing away extra floss because I misjudged how much I actually needed.
2. I get too little floss and I can’t wrap it around my fingers properly and end up wrestling with my teeth for a good 30 minutes because I refuse to get more floss.

I have tried some other methods of fixing this, but they don’t really work too well.  First of all, if I got a piece too long, I would get some scissors and cut off the excess and keep it.  If I got a piece that was too short, I would tie them together with the ever faithful square knot and chances are the piece would be pretty close to perfect.  This worked out great until I somehow got the square knot between my teeth and it got stuck, which was pretty embarrassing.  Plus, I think my dad was getting a little annoyed at the random little strands of floss he’d find stored in the bathroom to be used at a later date.  Next, I tried testing out a strand of floss before I cut it away from the spool.  This worked great, but it isn’t exactly socially acceptable to use floss before it is fully detached.  For now I guess I’ll just stick with the imperfection of it all.  If any of you have any suggestions, I’d be glad to hear them.

I installed a new game today, which required me to create a user ID.  I tried every nickname I could think of and all of them were taken.  Every time I checked the availability, the service would offer suggestions of names that were not yet taken.  One of them caught my eye instantly:  StrolledSalmon.  I was sold.  StrolledSalmon I shall be!  I think the best thing about this name is strolled isn’t an adjective, but it sounds like it could be.

StrolledSalmon n. 1. A salmon that has recently been taken for a walk of 2 miles or more.  2. A salmon that has been placed in a stroller.  3.  Awesome.

I thought about doing another picture today, but if I keep this up, I’ll use up my 3gigs of free space pretty quickly.  So, I’ll have some self control, or maybe start using photobucket as well.

Can’t Bust ‘Em

It’s quite amazing.  I posted that my numbers were down, and I magically get a record high in views!  Awesome!  Okay, back to the task at hand.

Have you ever tried to smile while brushing your teeth?  It cannot be done!  I’m not talking about when you’re getting those front teeth; that’s easy.  I’m talking about when you’re getting down and clean with your molars.  I’ve tried on numerous occasions and it just plain doesn’t work.  I will test this out some more and report my findings.

Well, today is the first day back home without Heidi =( =( =(.  I get very pathetic when Heidi isn’t around.  It’s pretty sickening to those who are not… me.  We’ve been together 42 consecutive days now and have integrated very well (I think) into daily patterns.  It feels so weird to be out on my own.  Also, I went home to visit my family as I have not seen them for a while, but now I’m quarantined in my room because everyone has the flu!  Oh the irony!  Point is, I miss Heidi.  Boo.

I don’t mean to hang on a subject, but this jean slogan “Can’t Bust ‘Em” is really bothering me.  Seriously, if you’re going to make a catchphrase or trademark, at least make it believable.  It’s like making thin toothpicks and making their trademark “Can’t Snap ‘Em” when clearly you can, or having a female cat and naming her “Can’t Spay ‘Er” when clearly you already have.  I already busted these jeans by just walking.  The pant legs are all frayed and it’s very discouraging.  I think I should write them a very angry letter.

I was thinking about Heidi’s Family’s Dog today, Sophie.  I think dogs are pretty amazing.  Sophie has a unique way of telling people she needs to go potty.  The method is as follows:

1. Find Rob.
2. Bite Rob.
3. Get put outside.
4. Pee.

Could you imagine what it would be like if humans adopted this behavior?  Maybe not the biting me part, but just biting to tell someone you need to use the bathroom.  I think it’s cleverly effective.  Half the battle of going to the bathroom is getting someone’s attention to dismiss you to do so.  If you bite someone, there’s little doubt you’ll have their undivided attention:

1. Observe the need to potty. 2. Find someone and bite them. 3. They will observe your need to potty. 4. Victory.

I don’t know.  Try it out maybe.  Could work.

Well, I haven’t done a work story for a while, so perhaps it is time for one.

Inner City Drag Racing

I don’t remember which year it was, but I was out watering gator bags like usual.  I had stepped out to fill a bag and noticed a car acting unusual.  The car was going what appeared to be 2mph.  Parked near me on the other side of the street was a police officer taking radar.  The driver of the other car appeared to have a very concentrated look on his face.  He was speeding… very slowly… towards the police officer.  His determination was not waning, even as the police officer got out of his car, put his hands on his hips, and looked the man dead in the eyes.  The man finally plowed into the cruiser.  The officer turned to me and said, “Can you believe that?”  The officer pulled the man out of the car and said, “Just what do you think you were doing??”  “I was racing a snail” the man replied with a straight face.  Without missing a beat, the officer said, “Then I’ll have to write you a ticket for drag racing as well.”